This is the post excerpt.
No one has a perfect life and if somebody has then he or she doesn’t realize it.
I realize it that I don’t have a life i wanted. I am satisfied with it but not happy(at least since past 4 years). The turmoil from many events and sacrifices and losses have induced a fear in me. A fear of something bad to be happen whenever I am happy. A fear of the approaching suffering whenever I feel everything in my life are at its right place. Fortunately since my childhood I have never got two face friends. They directly mocked my problems to my face. Eventually that made me A Self-Sufficient guy. But sometimes it’s not enough being self sufficient. Sometimes your trauma demands you to share it with someone. Your frustration wants to set free in the form of words(either being spoken or written) or tears.
In today’s world you are really an unfortunate person if you are an atheist or agnostic. People only visit to the monuments or buildings with some idols inside when they have complaints, problems, issues, miseries. “God! Why there are so many problems in my life??.. God, why don’t I get good marks??.. When I will get a stable life??.. God, why have you put so many suffering in my life….” and so on and on. Because you find solace when you blame someone else for your problems. That’s when Gods come to rescue. We simply blame them for imperfections in our life.
So, being an unfortunate I have no one to blame. So where to release this frustration?
I have been close to the nature since I got control over my senses. My schooling has been done at a hill station, so as my college. Luckily I found my own spiritual beliefs. If there is any God or any other energy then It’s nature. The only thing which I follow out of many things I learned from nature is the Concept of Equilibrium. Applicable to each and every form of life whether materialistic or anything else.
I can totally understand that it will be hard for you to get it that how nature can be someone’s Asylum.
But when everything in your life seems to break apart and you are left with no one, no one to talk, no one to share your thoughts, no one to give you a hug when you have burried your face inside your pillow and crying hard all night and clenching your bed sheet and the madness of your mind hit the saturation level then all you can do is find the keys, drive a little and reach one of the highest peaks of Himalayas in your area before the dawn and you just sit there until the dawn breaks. And you just sit there quitely realizing where I have mistaken? Realising why me? Realising how much more? Thinking when the process of Equilibrium will begin? And where you can find the peace?
And you find it!
You realize the cool placid winds kissing your face giving a gentle chill in your spine, the chirping birds leaving their nests and beginning their daily drill, the symphony of the quietness around suppressing the cries of your perplexity, the levitating heartbeats above the burden of your past, the peaks of the other hills waiting for their morning kiss of the sun and at the horizon you finally find your answer as the sun rises. The rays tiptoe crawling over the Himalayas and from thousands of feet above you see your city sleeping and realizing how peaceful your city is appearing. That will be the time you wish the time to stop at that moment forever, you wish to feel like this way forever without any worries and you won’t think of the troubles of your life and that will be the moment you find the peace. That serene sunrise make you realize that you won’t get the happiness by complaining in Temples rather you have to find it.
That tranquil canvas of nature will make you understand that the happiness is just within you. And it’s only your choice whether you want to be happy or make your past as your comfort zone.
Idols from the Temples won’t come out as living to teach you for exams, to give you promotion, to raise a hike on your salary, to get you favorite bike or to get back the person you have lost. Temples aren’t the complaint box but the nature is the Asylum… Or at least My Asylum.
The wait, the patience, the desire for achieving that unachieved yet… what a feeling! It has its own beauty. That pain and sacrifices you have gone through… You still remember them right? Or are you still experiencing them?
If you are still experiencing them then you will be experiencing them for the rest of your life. Ever wondered while remembering the history of your hard work that why do you still not getting success after this long. With every passing second you feel like loosing an ample amount of time and still far far away from the success. Those fantasies and your desires which you have saved in your mobile notes, written on your walls or behind your notebooks or even etched them inside your head with a self promise or the promise that you were forced to make to yourself because of the situations that you can unlock these desires from your mobile notes when you are something in your life(especially not a looser). But no matter how hardly you flutter your wings to fly high you never even leave the ground. This is because you yourself have knitted your wings among themselves with the chains of fear… The fear or better I should say the accumulated fear of “IF”.. What If I do not succeed then what about my desires and planning, what If I do not achieve something then what about all the promises I made to myself and if you are really so unlucky then the fear of “IF I really do not become something for someone then what about those fantasies and memories and promises and plannings which I have made with someone that one day we will live those moments together. Will I have to lose them? Will somebody else live my fantasies and desires with that person?”
Oh dear!!! You are trying to fly to the sky but every time you try to flutter your wings you look back to check what is wrong with your feathers. I wonder how will you reach the sky when you aren’t even looking up constantly!
Awwww! Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t feel that you are completely useless with no qualities. What a beautiful knitter you are! It is not so popular to knit your own wings with such complicacy and the life time warranty that every time you aspire to take a leap you fall even harder. And you have to put this inside your head that these are the strongest resistance to your flutterings (chains of “family” and “bloody society” makes the 2nd most in the table but those are attached to your legs not to your wings) that every time you struggle u suffer even more and you need to get rid off from them as soon as you can.
You wanna know the secret how??? Then lemme whisper it to your dead confidence rather to your ears because your ears are even more useless than your fears created by you. Because Instead of sending information to the brain your ears took them to your heart. OK, I was talking about the secret.. so here it goes….. “there..is..one..thing..to..which..even..your..fear..is..scared..of. There..is..one..thing..which..your..fear..can’t..tame. And..this..badass..thing..is.. YOUR WILL”
BETTER YOU GET THIS STRAIGHT THAT YOUR BLODDY WILL IS THE NEEDLE TO UNKNIT THAT CHAIN.
If you still can’t wake your will up then mark these words that no matter how hard you flutter, your wings keep on becoming heavier from the tears of your struggle and patience with the passing of time. You can’t achieve unless you are red focussed. You have to break the chains without thinking consequences. OK, just think that way will your efficiency be 100% when you are completely trouble free or when you have heap of IF? You need to calm your mind and you need to find Happiness. Keep faith in yourself. That person is not going to live your dreams with somebody else. That’s gonna be you. Fuel up your WILL for the most powerful throttle this world has ever heard(and most possibly damage the eardrums of the family and the society). Take a calm deep breath and don’t look to your wings, they are fine and fly for your unlocked notes of your phone.
And yes! It really feels good when people talk about your struggle to others and your are standing there remembering all those torments which you have faced to come to this position of your life.
Failure, defeat, demoralise, pain and every other possible noun are the most inevitable chapters in the book of life. Sooner or later you have to deal with these.
Yes, it hurts a lot when we have done a great hardwork but we don’t get the result. It’s a human tendency to keep expectations outta our hard work and it’s our right to shed tears when unable to achieve the desired. At the time of results when we find out our name is not among the list of merit students, our name has not been shortlisted for the company’s job, when you think that you deserved much more than what you have got now, when your research paper do not get accepted over which you have burnt your midnight oil or when every friend in your circle is getting success for which you were equally or more diligent than the others then at that moment all you remember is all those hardwork and sacrifices that you have made to clinch that dream but couldn’t get. That is the time when you ask yourself a question. “Why did I even sacrifice my comfort and did hardwork for nothing? Why did I devote my time for the thing which I was never going to get? And why should I devote my further energy and hardwork over such uncertain thing? That’s the time when you have hit the rock bottom.
People often find themselves lost in such situations. They lack the self confidence and its continuation kicks a fear in them of failure. They stop trying again. They fear the failure. They fear of rejection. They fear what if again their hardwork remains uncounted. Their thoughts become negative and they start doubting their own arsenal of caliber just because small guns couldn’t produce the sound loud enough to get the ears of people around them. But they have forgotten that the big guns are yet to be tested which can burst the eardrums out of the heads of their critics if fired with proper Determination held with the strength of Patience.
There are only two ways to get over this situation. Either Easy or Correct.
The easy way is skipping all these sufferings and run away from your dreams by replacing it with another.
And the correct one again comprises of two ways to win over your pain and defeat and shattered hopes.
1. You either compress your pain with a bigger pain and so on so that one day you get used to every trauma and agony that it stops affecting you anymore. You become Resilient to every suffering and get focused for your aim no matter whatever are the prevailing condition around you!.
2. Or be brave enough to stand again Shamelessly after each and every time you hit the rock bottom and get prepare for the hailstorm of the criticism, failure, defeats untill you achieve which has been unachievable so long. Generate that Thunder of success for the Lightning of your failures.
Because always remember… Thunder comes after the lightning.
It’s upto you.
Would you choose to be a resilient or brave?
Sewing the wounds of your betrayal, but your memories left a stain.
The dagger may come out, but the scars will remain.
Time may be the strongest force of this universe. It begins everything and ends it accordingly. The elders have taught us to respect the time, believe in time, it will always change its course. But is the time the strongest? Is The time begin and ends everything?
Then I will be having some different opinion about it. To be the strongest you have to dominate over everything else. But can time dominate the love? Can time kill the love you once had for someone but couldn’t get?
You might have found yourself saying after your Break up that u will never stop loving and never forget him or her. But after some days, weeks, months or maybe years you get over that feeling and do not remain vulnerable anymore to his or her memories. So, have you lied to yourself back then? Have you stopped loving that person? Has time really killed that love?
You have never lied to yourself. That love is still within your heart. The matter is that it has been compressed with different memories you created, experiences u felt, moments you passed, new people that u have met since then. That love is still breathing below all these things and we think that time has killed it. Nothing in this universe has the power to kill the love. It is just we stop thinking about it that much like the way we had thought it then. We stop thinking about it because with passing of time we get new things to think and analyze and devote our time to. Soon after we indulge ourselves in other activities and start FORGETTING the other things. But Forgetting anything doesn’t mean it has gone forever.
It will take just a pinch of memory of that person in the form of his or her name, photograph, any exact conversation of him or her with someone else, scent in the surrounding the way u get when he or she covers you around their arm, the song you listen after a long time which you have listened back then, restaurant you went with them or their names in someone’s discussion to fuel that love to climb at once the peak of the mountain of your present formed by the accumulation of memories, moments, new experience created by the time. You see, it never died, just it hid itself under the blanket of time. And it will always be hidden unless you remove that blanktet and look for it again. But we never remove the blanket intentionally because either we are so over it or we ourselves don’t want to see or experience it again.
Time may end up everything eventually but it can’t end the love. Atleast not directly. Because to end that love, the time has to end you first. And that’s the power of love.
New year celebration party
After these long years, finally the drought of his face was showered with smile. He broke the stigma of being an introvert. Finally, a ray of hope drove through his veins. His thoughts were placid like a beautiful frozen lake. He wasn’t untroubled anymore.
And everybody thought he was high… Nobody realized that he was Happy.. ☺
I wish I could hunt you down..
P.S. Tit for Tat
Life will always keeps teaching you to become a better person whether you like it’s way of teaching or not. It can be in any form whether in failures, injuries, accidents, poor marks in exams or if you are really unfortunate then the teaching may come from a heartbreak.
The inevitable situation in which one has to suffer a lot but the person you become once you manage to get through this phase will be remarkable. And believe in Karma always. What goes around comes around. Just take it as a lesson and stop cursing that person who has given you this scar to your Heart, feelings and trust.
What do you have to say about this?